andrewfromer, Author at Congregation Or Ami

Will Coronavirus Infect Your Marriage?

Will coronavirus infect your marriage?
By Or Ami congregant, Cara Gardenswartz PhD

Spending weeks quarantined at home together? COVID-19 may test your marriage or intimate relationship!

A client of mine said the following about her husband: “He doesn’t stop going… doesn’t stop talking about what we need to do….. nonstop talking about social distancing, stocking up at the grocery store, fear about the stock market. This is our new daily conversation…. And I can’t get out of the house, see friends or go to the gym like I ordinarily would.”

Are you at your limit? There’s a meme going around which asks “Would you rather be home with your wife and kids, or option B” and before option B is explained the man says “B”. This meme reminds me of when my father was retiring. I recall my mother telling me that she married my father for breakfast and dinner, but not for lunch. These scenarios show that even in the best relationships, we need a bit of space from one another.

Research has shown that natural disasters can highlight strengths in intimated relationships, but it will also expose problems. The Journal of Family Psychology published a study looking at couples after Hurricane Hugo in 1989 and found more couples filing for divorces than usual after the trauma. Weeks ahead of the US in terms of dealing with COVID-19, applications for divorce have risen in the Chinese city of Xi’an. In addition to the divorces, research has also found that domestic violence can increase during times of isolation.

Most couples typically spend the bulk of most days apart since one (or both) partners work outside of the home. Now both partners are required to spend all day together. In addition to dramatic changes in routine and being together 24/7, other factors affecting couples include: anxiety about health, potential unemployment, financial insecurity, caregiving elderly parents, lack of social connection outside of the home, juggling childcare, managing chores and general uncertainty about the future. If there are already vulnerabilities in the relationship, they are more likely to be revealed with these stressors. Being around each other’s idiosyncrasies all day (and night) along with all of these stressors, can bring up issues that had been bubbling under the surface. In addition, couples may use different coping mechanisms during stress. For instance, one spouse may be preoccupied with risk; the other may be focused on keeping life as regular as possible. One spouse might take a proactive approach; the other may be more passive and hopeless. These differences make couples clash and this polarization can end relationships if the couple doesn’t take mitigating steps.

What to do:
Have sex! A common remedy for conflict- and a way to increase closeness – is sex. This might not be top of mind while you are worried about infection, finances and the kids. But romantic connection is even more useful than ever. However, if your partner is not up for sex, try not to nag or shame, because that will make him/her feel worse. Hand holding, hugging, offering a massage, or anything soothing and comforting can be quite connecting.

Pick and choose your battles. Make sure you don’t react to everything your partner does that annoys you. If your partner is moody, remember it’s probably not really about you. Give him/her extra slack. However, when you have to choose an important battle use “I feel __________” & “I need” statements rather than “you did…”

Do not harp on relationship problems. Put a limit (e.g. 20 minutes, once a day) on discussing difficult issues. And when it’s over, put it aside. Perhaps, plan a “conflict/concern time” in your schedule. Also, have a rule that either of you can call a time out if it gets too heated and you will resume later.

Carve out alone time. If you have the luxury of multiple rooms, create some time for yourself in a different room. If you don’t have a separate room, use headphones to create artificial boundaries.

Exercise. You can exercise in an online class, practice (or start) yoga, or just walk outside. There are many online resources (some of which are free).

Find a hobby. My tap shoes have been in my closet for months, but I started online tap classes last week. It’s a fun way to build a skill, do something productive and joyful on your own. Learn a new language for instance or complete the work around your house you’ve been meaning to get to.

Get out of your pajamas and get busy. Wake up, shower, and put on clothes. Make a daily schedule (on the hour) that includes completing chores, working on a project or skill, meditation, and walking outside.

Be engaged socially with other people through FaceTime. For example, schedule wine and dine with your friends and family through FaceTime or Zoom or host game night by playing virtual games. So, your partner is not the only person you interact with.

Regarding conflict around financial matters. Try to focus your attention on ways to survive throughout the remainder of the crisis. Try not to look ahead too much as it is unpredictable. During a crisis, try sticking to taking each day and week as it comes.

And lastly, if you and your partner need more help, turn to psychologists who are offering telehealth individual and couples sessions. Having a therapist to talk to about some of the challenges arising is invaluable.

Cara Gardenswartz, PhD
cara@grouptherapyla.com
www.GroupTherapyLA.com
9300 Wilshire Blvd Suite 320
Beverly Hills, CA 90212
Office: 310.893.0096

Even When They Have Covid-19, Be a Mensch

Even When They Have Covid-19, Be a Mensch
By Rabbi Julia Weisz and David Weisz

We all dread that email. You know the one, usually from the school principal, or the preschool administrator, or maybe one of the teachers. The subject, carefully crafted to catch your attention, tries not incite panic. “Important Message for Fifth Grade Parents,” or “First Grade Health Update,” or even less helpfully, “We Care About Your Kids.” And there it is: “We want to inform you that a student in your child’s grade has been diagnosed with <insert your favorite childhood malady here>.”

Cue the eye-rolling, the “here we go again” and – of course – the flurry of secret text messages between parents trying to figure out who’s sick, when they got it, and what their parents dared to allow them to do between the first sniffle and the actual diagnosis: “Can you believe Johnny’s parents let him walk to the mailbox yesterday? While he was sick?!?”.

Judaism teaches that shaming another is akin to shedding blood – to murder – and should be avoided at all costs, but that moral argument doesn’t always scratch the itch the way a few snide or gossipy text messages do.

In the COVID-19 coronavirus era, however, things are drastically different. The emails aren’t just saying “we’re doing extra cleaning in the classroom;” they say “school is closed for two months.” If the schools are changing behavior on that scale, doesn’t it warrant massive behavior change on our part too?

At this point, it is virtually inevitable that people in our social circles will contract COVID-19, perhaps even someone we or our children interacted with in the last 14 days. How do we respond? With private text messages gossiping about it or in a more compassionate, community building way?

Imagine two scenarios:

In the first, a loving, caring community exists. The COVID-19-positive person, worried about your well-being, calls to let you know that you may have been infected. Concerned though you may be, you thank them for the information and let them know how much you appreciate that they felt comfortable sharing a personal diagnosis with you. Yes, you may feel anxious or worried for your health, but you nonetheless hold space for the person sharing their diagnosis, breathe deeply, and after the call is complete, you process your own feelings. You self-quarantine, monitor for symptoms for two weeks, and then, hopefully, you continue living a healthy life. You regularly check in with the person who called you as your concern for their well being becomes as significant to you as your own. That’s how a Kehilla Kedosha, a holy community, acts.

In the other scenario, the community is eerily similar to many of the schools we attend and communities we participate in: the person, worried about being at the center of the rumor mill and potentially being blamed for infecting the community, says nothing. You then carry on with life, as if nothing were wrong, potentially further spreading the coronavirus we are all trying so hard to contain, potentially infecting dozens of other people. Or worse, you get off the call with the infected person, pick up the phone to text or call other friends, and – under the guise of sharing critical information – shame the person who informed you of their illness. Imagine the texts: “I cannot believe so and so hung out with me last week. If they get me sick, I am going to be so mad.”

Which community would you rather be a part of?

In case you’re wondering, yes, members of Congregation Or Ami have been diagnosed with COVID-19. And no, none of them attended face-to-face synagogue events in a period that would have infected people today.

We are proud that they felt they were part of that first kind of caring, menschy community. Steeped in our Jewish value of henaynu (being there for each other), they knew they would be cared for publicly and in those private text messages. Nurtured on the notion that healthy or sick, we are all created B’tzelem Elohim (in God’s image), deserving equal treatment and imbued with infinite value, they contacted everyone they had been in contact with in the previous weeks (thankfully, a relatively small number of individuals). Those individuals were reportedly caring, measured in their response, and are keeping in touch.

Our actions now, as the rumors swirl and speculation grows, will dictate whether other members of our communities will continue to act in that responsible manner.

When you hear that someone has tested positive, please be a mensch (a kind, compassionate person). Do inquire after their well-being. Don’t be gossipy. Do make your rabbis, teachers, and children proud.

Intern Essay: Sarah Rosenbaum Jones

Board Games, Curiosity, and the Noshery
Abiding Lessons from my Internship at Or Ami
By Sarah Rosenbaum Jones

The very first lesson I learned as an intern and Mishpacha Coordinator at Congregation Or Ami was learned over the implementation of a board game, as one might expect from the place where joy lives at the center of Jewish life.. Rabbi Paul Kipnes and I found ourselves in a kerfuffle early on in my internship. Should the board game be life-size, or family size? We spent a good chunk of our meeting time in a heated debate, each passionately rooting for our vision (his, a life-size memorable moment; mine, an intimate family discussion). It was only a few weeks later, when I reflected back on this debate, that I could extract the lesson learned: One of our tasks, as Jewish leaders, is to make decisions with intention and care, so that our programming consistently advances our organization’s mission. To debate something as seemingly-trivial as a board game demonstrates this intentionality and care that Or Ami puts into everything it does.

One of my most difficult roles as an Or Ami intern was to supervise the Mishpacha teachers, who were also my peers. Rabbi Julia Weisz’s guidance in the realm of supervision is transferable to so many other areas of the rabbinate and will remain with me indefinitely. She modeled, first and foremost, that care is the foundation for every working relationship. It is our privilege as rabbis and educators to encounter people in all stages of their lives, and our first task is to develop partnerships with others based on mutual understanding and respect. Rabbi Julia exemplifies the Jewish value of dan l’kaf zechut, giving every person the benefit of the doubt. In one particularly challenging supervisory situation, she reminded me to step into the situation with curiosity and concern for the teacher’s well-being. She taught me that we do best to wonder why others are missing the mark, instead of assuming malintent.

Finally (though I could go on for pages, I was given a word limit!), I learned a poignant life lesson from the Or Ami fridge, of all things. As anyone who has stepped into Or Ami’s Noshery (kitchen) knows, Or Ami keeps a full fridge and snack closet, and they are open to anyone at any time. This is clearly not about full bellies, though those are happy outcomes. Rather, Or Ami models trusting people and caring for them. With this simple but intentional gesture, Or Ami transforms the synagogue into a second home. This is the Or Ami way.

Sarah Rosenbaum Jones is in her final semester of rabbinical school at HUC-JIR and is a graduate of HUC’s Rhea Hirsch School of Education. She served as Mishpacha Coordinator in 2017-2018. In addition to her time spent at Or Ami, Sarah has served communities in Glencoe, IL, Redding, CA, Kenosha, WI, and London, England. Sarah, her spouse Jeffrey, and their daughter Adira will be returning to their home in Chicago after ordination. Sarah looks forward to the opportunities that await her there!

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Intern Essay: Sarah Lauing

Pushing Interns to “Go Bigger, Bolder, and Deeper”
Abiding Lessons from my Internship at Or Ami
By Sarah Lauing

The year I was an intern, and Coordinator, of Congregation Or Ami’s Mishpacha Family Alternative Learning Program, Rabbi Paul Kipnes had decided the curriculum topic for the year would be “Henaynu: Caring Community.” I admit, I was skeptical. In my mind, that was more of a value than subject matter for a curriculum, but Rabbi Paul insisted. He was sure there was deep rooted content in Jewish tradition pointing toward what it means to be a caring community. Of course, he was right. As we brainstormed how to teach this value, we drew from Torah, philosophy, life cycle, and Jewish values. As we designed the activities, Rabbi Paul was constantly there, pushing us to go bigger, bolder, and deeper. He challenged us to make the curriculum more experiential, more active, and more fun, while also maintaining high expectations for the level of content.

So we did.

We created Abraham and Sarah’s tents, so participants could learn how to welcome classmates with juice and Nutella. We transformed our teachers into biblical characters to remind us how to say “hineni,” (I am here”). (I remember robing a shorts-clad Rabbi Paul in fabric fall leaves to play Adam, and he was more than willing to take on the character!) We created art pieces around our values and engaged in Tikkun Olam projects. We built a model home to explore the shiva rituals (after a death) and a chuppah for a wedding. By the end of the year, families had not only studied about the value of showing up for each other, but modeled Henaynu through the program.

Mishpacha also reinforced my understanding of the power of family education. I witnessed parents who were so committed to Jewish education that they gave their weekend time regularly and enthusiastically to attending the program alongside their children. I was impressed by the level of relationship building that was possible among families. (Snack time was as important to the program for Rabbi Paul as learning time, as it helped build community. We had to ensure that there was abundant healthy food, and he coached me regularly on the art of synagogue schmoozing.) Most importantly, I had the honor of helping parents teach their children. The Torah says “teach them diligently to your children…” While many Jewish families today tend to outsource this task to educators, in Mishpacha, now Mensch-ify) and family schools around the country, parents are empowered to own the material and teach their children alongside our teachers and educators.

As I write this, I have just completed two wonderful family education days in my own synagogue in my role as Director of Learning and Educational Innovation. Fifth Grade families “flew” to Israel in a plane complete with passports and El Al tickets, then participated in science, art, and language activities to engage with the different geographic locations in Israel. Third Grade families went on a Torah scavenger hunt, matching mitzvot with texts from the Torah, and discussing how they play out in their family and parenting lives. The Mishpacha program and the mentorship of Rabbi Paul Kipnes served as powerful growth opportunities, leading me to prioritize both family learning and experiential education as central to the way I educate and to my values as a professional and leader.

Sarah Lauing was an intern and Mishpacha Coordinator at Congregation Or Ami in 2011-2012. After graduating from HUC-JIR’s Rhea Hirsch School of Education, Sarah worked simultaneously as Director of Jewish Life at URJ Crane Lake Camp and as Youth and Family Educator at Temple Shaaray Tefila in New York City. She then served full time as Associate Director at Crane Lake. Sarah recently returned home to California in a new position as Director of Learning and Educational Innovation at Congregation Beth Am in Los Altos Hills, CA.

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Intern Essay: Rachel Margolis

The Power of Showing Up
Abiding Lessons from my Internship at Or Ami
By Rachel Margolis, RJE

I had the honor of serving the Congregation Or Ami community in 2006-2007, as the first intern to direct Mishpacha Family Alternative Learning Program, along with my friend and colleague Rebecca Berger. In our year working with this unique synagogue in Calabasas, CA, Rabbi Paul Kipnes and Congregation Or Ami shaped my career trajectory – both by mentoring and guiding me, and by stretching my understanding of myself as a Jewish professional.

Or Ami taught me…

About the power of a phone call
An email came in from a family with a complaint. In previous internships, I was never in charge of a program. As the Mishpacha Coordinator, I knew the “buck stopped here” – with me. I couldn’t rely on Rabbi Paul, PK as I lovingly called him, to respond. So we reflected upon multiple questions – How do we respond? What can we write back? How can we resolve this? PK’s guiding words resonated – “When someone emails you a complaint, you pick up the phone and give them a call.” A call – this advice from the rabbi who at the time was constantly on his phone emailing people, struck me. What’s the difference between a call and an email? In an era when we can do anything from the little computer we hold in our hands, a call forces us to slow down. Listen. Connect with another person one-to-one. Hear their tone. Hear their story. Listen for their needs. Consider what isn’t being said. Respond with compassion and empathy. Express real interest in coming to a resolution that works for everyone. Could we achieve this with an email? Maybe. However, an email would miss the tone, the slowing down – the opportunity to build a relationship.

When we get a complaint, always pick up the phone. It can be hard to hear the words of criticism. Our first instinct might be to take it all personally. And yet – nothing can replace the power of connecting with another person and establishing a real relationship.

About the power of showing up
It’s hard to count all of the ways that PK and the Or Ami community modeled “showing up.” From the very start, we always had name tags; every single person, every single time – even the rabbi (who everyone knew) would always wear the sticker name tag, color-coded to signify if you were a member or a newcomer. Wearing our names allowed us to show up for one another because in greeting people by their name, we made each person feel seen and important. Names are important and wearing name tags conveyed the message that every member of the community matters.

We were told that Or Ami didn’t have full time custodial help, and we didn’t have a dedicated administrative assistant to make copies and gather supplies. When we wanted chairs or tables set up in a certain way, we moved them ourselves. We arrived early enough to make every last copy, every last circle, and hang every sign. We saw that work as an important piece in the puzzle of building community and leading – showing up to roll up our sleeves to do every single task with joy.

PK modeled by example, leading with empathy and saying “yes” when families, staff, or the community needed him. He showed us that you could put values into action and live up to your best ideals – showing up for people in times of need, joy, and sadness. If someone in the community wanted to try something new – he would listen, help figure out how the idea helped carry out the Or Ami vision, and work toward yes. The power of showing up for others with a values-driven approach builds trust, relationships and community buy-in.

By December, I knew that starting from “yes” was the Or Ami way. When PK called me to ask if I would fill in, helping him lead the family trip to Israel that departed in 5 days, I immediately said yes. I had learned not to be thrown off by his honesty about how he asked other interns before me. This was my community and I had the incredible opportunity to lead and learn in real-time. I showed up in Israel, and when we landed and drove right to Jerusalem to begin our program at an overlook onto the city, PK looked at me as I got off the bus and said, “You’re leading this part.” I immediately turned red, knots inside my stomach. I could think of all the reasons this wouldn’t go well – I was jetlagged, unprepared, and couldn’t authentically lead a group as an intern when their beloved rabbi was right there. I felt like a total imposter! And then – I remembered what it meant to show up. I had said “yes” to the trip; I said “yes” to kicking it off. I listed the reasons why PK could trust me with this task, and reminded myself of why I was qualified to do this. I can’t remember what I said or did on that promenade overlooking Jerusalem, but I can remember the the confidence after I succeeded. To this day, I still begin everything I lead with the same mix of nerves and determination to show up in humility; every experience is an opportunity to teach and to learn.

About the power of being authentic
I had the honor of getting to know the Kipnes-November family throughout my year as an intern. PK built a level of trust and openness that allowed us to hold meetings at his home, so busy city-based students didn’t need to schlep all the way to Calabasas. He would honestly reflect with us about what it was like to be a rabbi and to be part of the rabbi’s family. As an education student engaged to a rabbinic student, I looked to him not only as a mentor in my internship, but as a mentor in life. In PK I saw the challenge of being present in both synagogue and home life. I saw the integration of a loving and dedicated marriage and father with the life of being an all-in and genuine rabbi. PK talked openly about how the drive between work and home helped him separate both holy roles he had. He talked what he was learning about the blessings and challenges of being a rabbi’s kid – and a rabbi’s partner.

In demonstrating an authentic life – professionally and personally – PK showed me the importance of being true to oneself – giving your all when possible, caring for yourself and your family – and being honest when it’s hard. This model of authentic leadership impacts my daily interactions in all that I do.

I am forever grateful for my Or Ami experience, and always proud to be among “Or Ami’s interns” at various conferences and gatherings. Thank you Congregation Or Ami for teaching my life lessons and still be there for me and my family.

Rachel Margolis is a Senior Congregational Education expert at the Union for Reform Judaism. Rachel is the chair of the Alumni Leadership Council and services on the Board of Governors at HUC-JIR. She holds a joint masters degree in Jewish Education and Jewish Communal Service from Hebrew Union College – Jewish Institute of Religion. In her years since being an intern at Congregation Or Ami, she has served as the Director of Education at a Los Angeles synagogue, consulted on various curricular and camp projects to synagogues and community organizations around the country, worked as the Executive Director at a community Hebrew High School in Durham – Chapel Hill. She lives outside of Chicago with her husband, Rabbi Ari Margolis (another Or Ami intern!), and their three girls

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Intern Essay: Rabbi Greg Weisman

Developing a Deep Self-Reflective Rabbinate
Abiding Lessons from my Internship at Or Ami
By Rabbi Greg Weisman

Serving as Or Ami’s Mishpacha Coordinator and working closely with Rabbi Paul Kipnes, my eyes were opened to the innovative and compelling world of family education. As we learned together in classrooms, on the floor of the sanctuary, at the Gentle Barn farm in Santa Clarita, and in Or Ami’s temporary home in the spring of 2011, I saw the brightness of our Torah and our Jewish tradition brighten the light in the eyes of the parents and children who came to learn with us and walk their families’ Jewish journeys together. Working closely with my colleague Joel Abramowitz, we learned m, first hand from Rabbi Paul, our mentor and teacher, what supervision, imagination, and communal leadership looks like.

Almost a decade later, I am serving as a rabbi and teaching youth, teens, adults, and families together at my congregation in Boca Raton, Florida. I think constantly about my time at Or Ami and with Rabbi Paul. I think about how he taught me never to underestimate what the members of our congregations will do to help support their communities to success. Whether we were filling the sanctuary with glow sticks in a re-enactment of the Kabbalah’s description of Creation, or asking the entire group of families to schlep out to Santa Clarita to spend the morning experiencing animal therapy, Rabbi Paul again and again helped us discover that with a good vision and purpose, committed congregants will do everything they can to make something successful.

As a supervisor, mentor, and now a colleague, I have grown to see Rabbi Paul as a deeply self-reflective rabbi. In conversations we have been in together, I constantly experience him striving to better understand the needs of those around him. He has been especially self-reflective and articulate as our Reform rabbinate has been engaging in deep contemplation on how women in the rabbinate can rightfully be elevated and their essential contributions recognized. As a male colleague, I look to him as an example of someone who is not afraid to look in the mirror and assess his own past actions, and I strive to do the same in my own work.

I am so blessed that I can call Rabbi Paul my friend and colleague, my teacher, and most significantly, my rabbi.

Rabbi Greg Weisman has served Temple Beth El in Boca Raton since 2013. He is deeply involved in the congregation’s social action and social justice work, the Early Learning Center and Religious School, and guides the congregation’s Introduction to Judaism and conversion program. In the Boca Raton community he serves on the Boca Raton Interfaith Clergy Association, is vice-president of the Palm Beach County Board of Rabbis, and sits on the board of the Palm Beach County office of American Jewish Committee. While in rabbinical school at the Hebrew Union College-Jewish Institute of Religion in Los Angeles, he served as intern and Mishpacha Mishpacha Coordinator at Congregation Or Ami in Calabasas in 2010-2011. He and his wife Tami Weisman, RJE, a Jewish educator, live in Boca Raton with

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Intern Essay: Rabbi Dan Medwin

Teaching Parents to Teach Children
Abiding Lessons from my Internship at Or Ami
Rabbi Dan Medwin

At Congregation Or Ami, I was honored to be a part of the Mishpacha Family Alternative Learning Program, one of the most effective and engaging educational models I have ever witnessed, let alone had the privilege to lead. Not only was this format for learning deeply transformative and revolutionary, it was also at its core, a very simple and apparent model. Called “Mishpacha,” Hebrew for “family,” this educational program brought families together for fun and learning, growth and exploration. Our basic premise was targeting the content to the various ages and experiences, as well as empowering parents to teach their own children.

A typical day would begin with children grouped by grades, learning with teachers age-appropriate material related to the day’s theme, while parents learned with the Mishpacha Coordinators – me and Sara Mason-Barkin (now a rabbi, as well). This opportunity for the parents to learn at an adult level fed their hunger for learning and Jewish connection, while simultaneously preparing them for the joint family activity during the second part of the day. When the children rejoined their parents, we often played a larger than life board game or activity, in which families worked together, and parents were prepared to engage with their children on the theme and further deepen their collective learning.

When the children see their parents learning about Judaism themselves and actively participating in their own children’s Jewish journey, it increases the perception of importance of Judaism for the children and mimics the very authentic ways families experience life out in the world: together. It also provides exceptional bonding time for parents to spend with their children, something I appreciate even more now that I have children of my own.

Preparing each lesson was a logistical puzzle and an opportunity for creativity that challenged and increased my own skills as an educator and Jewish leader. We often held the precept when planning our activities: go big or go home! This was exemplified in one of my favorite lessons in which we constructed a giant cardboard mountain on which families laid out their personal journeys to the top. This symbolized each person’s, and each family’s, unique path, which was not only honored, but celebrated. I have always, and will continue to, treasure my learning and experiences as an Or Ami intern leading the Mishpacha program.

Rabbi Dan Medwin, MAJE, serves as the Associate Director of Digital Media, in the Department of Strategic Communications, for the Central Conference of American Rabbis, the rabbinical arm and member organization of the Reform Movement. Part of his work involves creating and facilitating the use of Visual T’filah across the Jewish world, including its early development and innovation at Or Ami. He also served as the Mishpacha Coordinator during his internship at Or Ami in 2009-2010.

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Intern Essay: Rabbi Alissa Forrest Miller

What Superpower Would You Like?
Abiding Lessons from my Internship at Or Ami
By Rabbi Alissa Forrest Miller

Recently at a meeting, we were asked to share one of our superpowers as part of the introductions. Without much time to think, I responded, “My superpower is to get people to say yes to a job, volunteer position or participation in a program.” After explaining to numerous people how it’s never through guilt or a hard sale, I realized that I learned this valuable skill during my three years as an intern at Congregation Or Ami (2004-2007).

I originally signed on for a one year internship. Toward the end of that year, Rabbi Kipnes and I were in one of our regular mentorship meetings, when we began discussing ways in which Or Ami could revamp the teen programs. I began to brainstorm and vision with him. By the end of that meeting, he asked me if I would come back for a second year to help lead those efforts in addition to starting a monthly Shabbat morning minyan and revitalizing the LoMPTY youth group.

Rabbi Kipnes let me know that he wasn’t going to tell me how to do it. Instead, he gave me the authority and space to try my new ideas. Rabbi Kipnes was present as a thought partner and mentor, always helping me reflect both on the programs and services I was leading and creating, and also on my growth as a leader. He and the Or Ami community empowered me and had faith in me at a time in my rabbinical studies when I was developing my confidence as a future leader. By the end of my second year, when I told myself that it was now time for me to try something else, he once again played to my strengths and interests. Knowing where I wanted (and needed) to grow, he once again created an opportunity I couldn’t refuse. Looking back, I see how both Or Ami and I benefited from how the clergy and community give us interns sufficient space, real authority and exciting opportunities.

Two years ago, I was in Washington, DC at the Religious Action Center’s L’Taken seminar at the same time as the Or Ami delegation. There I met many of the current LoMPTY board members. It was fun for me to tell them about the time when a few teens and I revamped LoMPTY; it was exciting for them to share with me how they are now one of the strongest youth groups in the region. I felt proud of how much each of us– the Or Ami teen programs and I– grew as a result of my saying “yes” to those additional years as an intern.

Throughout my tenure as a rabbi at Temple Isaiah in Lafayette, CA, I have continually used this model of partnership as a way to cultivate new leaders, retain valuable teachers, and persuade participation in a program. It is a superpower that has strengthened my leadership and our community.

Rabbi Alissa Miller is rabbi at Temple Isaiah in Lafayette, CA. There she oversees their vibrant programs for youth, teens and young families, directing Noar Night (their teen school) and Camp Kefli, and coordinates Kulanu, their “youth group style” family programs and PARTI, their PARenting Teens of Isaiah programs. In 2017 she received the Covenant Foundation’s Pomegranate Prize as a rising leader in the field of Jewish education. As an education intern and then Rabbinic intern at Congregation Or Ami, Rabbi Miller revamped the youth program (creating Temple Teen Night), revitalized an almost non-existent LoMPTY youth group, and transformed the community in many other ways. In addition, she is married to Dan Miller and has two children- Leo and Jake.

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How to Zoom

We are beginning to offer special Or Ami spiritual and learning events – including Torah study, meditation, and Ask Me Anything sessions with the clergy – via Zoom, an internet video-conferencing platform. Please download this software soon to your computer, phone, and/or tablet so that you can be ready to participate.

Once your software/app has been installed, when you see a Zoom link, all you have to do is click the link OR type it into your web browser as you would for any website. You will see a prompt to open or allow zoom.us – click “Open” or “Allow” and you will be taken to your meeting room. You might have to click “Join with computer Audio” to ensure your hardware is working.

For every Zoom meeting, there is also a phone number you can use to call into the meeting with your phone audio.

As conditions are changing rapidly, there may be additional announcements or cancelations – possibly on short notice. Before leaving to come to an event at Or Ami, we encourage you to check our website homepage orami.org for the most up-to-date information.

March 12th COVID -19 Email

This message was sent on March 12th at 3:15pm

Dear Congregation,

Congregation Or Ami is a community of Jews and our loved ones who come together to study Torah, celebrate life’s beautiful moments, hold each other in difficult times, and strive together to repair our broken world. One of the most important Jewish values is how we care for one another – especially during our most vulnerable times. As COVID-19 continues to have a growing impact on California and the Congregation Or Ami community, we will share regular updates – by email and on our homepage orami.org.

In our response to this global health crisis, we are attempting to balance multiple, sometimes competing values. Coming to synagogue is fundamental to Jewish life. We now find ourselves in a moment where this impulse can be at odds with another core Jewish value, pikuach nefesh – protecting the health and safety of ourselves and others, particularly those who are most vulnerable to contagious diseases like COVID-19.

In an abundance of caution, and to protect the safety of our community, Congregation Or Ami is canceling all gatherings of 50 or more people until March 31st, with the exception of religious services. We will reevaluate thereafter.

Under this policy, these events upcoming are canceled:

Mensch-ify on March 15th and March 29th. Join us via Facebook Live for an interactive virtual session from 9:00-9:30 am on March 15th.
Butterfly Project on March 15th
Kesher Judaica & Hebrew Language on March 18th and March 25th
Beit T’shuva Freedom Song on March 18th

These events will continue as scheduled, with social distancing precautions in place:

Friday night services on March 13th and March 20th (also livestreamed)
Torah Study on March 14th (also on ZOOM – see below)

We are working on restructuring the following youth group events to maximize safety. Please stay tuned for updates on:

GoMPTY Movie on March 22nd
SoMPTY Sleepover on March 21-22nd
ProMPTY with LoMPTY on March 28th

Events we are adding:

Thursday, March 12 at 8:30 pm – Centering Meditation with Rabbi Paul on Facebook Live
Wednesday, March 18 at 7:30 pm – Kodesh Moments: Spiritual Strengthening for Soul Sucking Times with Cantor Doug and Rabbi Paul via Facebook Live and oramiLIVE.com

K-12th Grade Education: We are currently developing distance learning alternatives for Judaica, Hebrew, and teen education. Families will be updated soon on how to participate.

Livestream Options: Religious services will continue to be livestreamed, which provides an option for people to stay at home, while still connecting with our Or Ami community. Live streaming is available online at these two links:

Facebook: Congregation Or Ami

OramiLIVE.com

Prayerbooks: If praying remotely, use the free online flip book for Mishkan T’filah for Shabbat or download the discounted Kindle e-book version.

ZOOM: We will soon be offering special Or Ami spiritual and learning events – including Torah study, meditation, and Ask Me Anything sessions with the clergy – via Zoom, an internet video-conferencing platform. Please download this software soon to your computer, phone, and/or tablet so that you can be ready to participate.

These changes are a significant disruption in the life of our Our Ami community. We understand that they may bring up feelings of confusion, anxiety, or frustration. These feelings are to be expected in a time when our community is facing something that has not happened in any of our lifetimes. Even though you may be spending less time together in our synagogue building, we remain strongly connected as a holy community. At Congregation Or Ami, you’re home; wherever we are located as individuals, we are always home, always in community. Please reach out to us for support, prayer, and solace.

Tune in this evening for:

Rabbi Paul Kipnes

Cantor Doug Cotler

Rabbi Julia Weisz

And Your Congregation Or Ami Caring Team

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