Passover in Full Color: Blacks and Jews Broke (Unleavened) Bread
by Rabbi Paul Kipnes
|
by Rabbi Paul Kipnes
|
The World Zionist Congress Election is now open and waiting for your vote!
VOTE SLATE #3 – VOTE REFORM
VITAL Step after you vote: Please let us know that you voted. IT IS CRUCIAL TO LET US KNOW because the Reform movement is counting on Congregation Or Ami for 400+ votes! Once you have completed voting, please return to this page and…
Questions? Contact Rabbi Lana Zilberman Soloway at rabbilana@orami.org
By Rabbi Lana Zilberman Soloway
This week, 448 days, which are 63 weeks after October 7th, we read in Parashat Miketz, about a story of transformation, inspiration, and reconciliation. Joseph, a dreamer cast into a pit of despair by his brothers, rises to the pinnacle of Egyptian society, tasked with saving not just Egypt but also his own family. At the heart of it is the dramatic encounter between Joseph and his brothers. Years earlier, they had sold him into slavery, and now, famine forces the brothers to come to Egypt, unknowingly seeking sustenance from the very sibling they wronged. Yosef recognized his brothers, but they did not recognize him, it is written in Genesis 42: 8. Although Joseph understood immediately who they were, he did not reveal his identity to his siblings. Joseph’s initial response was to test them, but his ultimate aim was forgiveness and unification with his family.
Joseph’s story teaches us a profound lesson about the potential of reconciliation, even in the most fractured relationships. He could have sought revenge, asserting his power over his brothers, but instead, he chose a path of peace. Joseph’s ability to forgive his brothers is rooted in his deep understanding of humanity. Despite their betrayal, Joseph recognized that his brothers, like all people, were created b’tzelem Elohim, in the image of God. This recognition of their shared humanity allowed Joseph to rise above his personal grievances and embrace a higher moral vision, to view his siblings through the lens of their God-given dignity. Joseph’s ability to forgive his brothers and transform their fractured family into a united one reflects his deep faith in the possibility of repair.
Parshat Miketz is read on Shabbat Hanukkah, the Festival of Lights, a holiday that celebrates the heroic victory of the Maccabees over the Greeks, the rededication of the Temple, and the triumphant victory of light over darkness. It is not a coincidence. In many ways, Joseph’s rise from the depths mirrors the Hanukkah story. Just as the Maccabees believed in the seemingly impossible, Joseph’s journey from a dungeon to a palace is a testament to the power of faith and resilience.
Rabbi Mike Moskowitz, in his book Seasonal Resistance, teaches that Hanukkah expresses a language of novelty, innovation, and a miraculous expansion beyond what we thought was possible. The annual Hanukkah experience is an opportunity to receive new insight, empowerment, and opportunity to overcome the forces that oppress, debase, and deny our most essential identities. Had the few Maccabees not searched to provide that light for the many, none of us would have a miracle to celebrate today. Even though we are privileged to be able to publicly observe our traditions, Hanukkah reminds us that our work is not complete until everyone can be safe and free. (pp. 146-147)
This year, Hanukkah is celebrated at the same time as other cultural and religious celebrations, such as Christmas and Kwanzaa (the annual celebration of African-American culture), which emphasize themes of light, renewal, and hope. The universal yearning for light amidst darkness invites us to engage with leaders of other faiths. It reminds us that we have partners in Tikkun Olam, in making this world a better place. Together, we have a unique opportunity to increase the light.
Last week, I visited the Ronald Reagan Presidential Library in Simi Valley, north of Los Angeles. The Library tells the story of President Reagan’s life, including the eight years of his presidency. For me, as a Russian-speaking Jew born behind the Iron Curtain in the former Soviet Union, it was a very emotional and powerful encounter with imagining the unimaginable! I was reminded of President Reagan’s bold historic speech on June 12, 1987, at the Brandenburg Gate by the Berlin Wall, calling on the President of the USSR: “Mr Gorbachev, Tear down this wall!” At the time, no one believed it could ever happen—that the symbol of the Cold War, which endured for nearly five decades, would one day be brought down and the wall destroyed. Until one day, in November 1989, the wall fell, the Cold War ended, eastern European countries were freed from communism, and the Soviet Union collapsed, allowing millions of Jews to flee to freedom.
I would not be the person I am today if all of these events would not have happened. This realization had a profound impact on me, reminding me about the power of imagining the unimaginable. Miracles happen; we just need to believe in them.
Parashat Miketz inspires us to imagine the unimaginable, to look for the light and to keep up the faith, even in our darkest moments. The brothers’ reconciliation becomes possible through perseverance and faith. Believing the impossible is not mere optimism, it is a call to action. It means daring to envision a world where peace prevails, and where dialogue replaces division.
Like Joseph, we are called to rise above past grievances, to be courageous, and seek peace. Like the Maccabees, we are called to believe that justice will prevail, and remember that every transformational change begins with a small group of people staying committed to their beliefs and being willing to do whatever it takes to achieve their goals. Do not follow the majority, simply follow the right way. And like the candles of the Hanukkiah, we are called to share our light with the world, serving as the Shamash each and every day.
As we celebrate this season of light, let us take to heart the lessons of Torah: to strive for peace, to honor the dignity of all people, and to believe that even the most daunting challenges can yield miraculous transformations. May we, like Joseph, become instruments of hope and healing in our world.
Happy Hanukkah, may it be a season of miracles and illuminating possibilities.
Shabbat shalom.
By Rabbi Paul Kipnes
As parents, we spend years mastering the art of raising children—guiding, protecting, and nurturing them through childhood and adolescence. Then, seemingly overnight, they become adults. And just like that, the parenting paradigm shifts dramatically. While we may have become experts at teaching toddlers to share or teens to drive safely, the skills required for parenting adult children are entirely different. This transition calls for intentional work, a shift in mindset, and the humility to admit that we, too, are still in.
A New Phase of Parenting Adult Children
Parenting adult children is a sacred yet challenging endeavor. Unlike the command-and-control dynamics of their youth, these new relationships thrive on mutual respect, partnership, and trust. Yet, making this transition is no small task. I know because I’ve been there myself.
When our three children entered adulthood, I had to confront some uncomfortable truths about my own parenting. The strategies that worked when they were younger no longer applied. Even though I co-wrote a book with my wife, Michelle November, Jewish Spiritual Parenting: Wisdom, Activities, Rituals and Prayers for Raising Children with Spiritual Balance and Emotional Wholeness (available on Amazon), I still needed to recalibrate. I had to let go of my role as the all-knowing guide and instead embrace the role of a supportive partner.
This required inner work: reflecting on my assumptions, managing my anxieties, and learning to truly listen without rushing to fix or advise. It wasn’t always easy, but it has been profoundly rewarding. Today, I cherish the deeper, more authentic connections I now share with my adult children. Still, even with this foundation, the work of parenting adult children continues to challenge and transform me.
Challenging from the Beginning
The Torah provides powerful examples of family dynamics—too often, dysfunctional ones. From Isaac and Rebecca’s inability to parent Jacob and Esau in a way that fostered unity to Jacob’s struggles to manage relationships with and between his children, Genesis reveals how unresolved tensions and poor communication can fracture families. These stories serve as cautionary tales for us as we strive to transform our relationships with our adult children.
Do we want to perpetuate patterns of control and conflict? Or will we strive to create relationships rooted in love, respect, and understanding? The work of building healthy relationships with our adult children is the antidote to these ancient family struggles. It’s a spiritual practice grounded in humility, compassion, and the willingness to grow.
A Guide for Parenting Adult Children
In his book Parenting Adult Children: Loving Your Children in Ways That Work for Them, Steven Freedman offers invaluable insights into this delicate phase of parenting. Freedman encourages us to shift our focus from parenting at our children to being present with them. He reminds us that our role is no longer to direct their lives but to walk alongside them, offering support when asked and space when needed.
Freedman’s wisdom has been a guiding light for me personally, and it inspires the new efforts of the Or Ami Center for Jewish Parenting. At Or Ami, we recognize that learning to parent adult children is one of the most significant—and often overlooked—challenges of Jewish family life today. That’s why we are focusing on this work, offering resources and programs to help parents navigate this complex terrain.
Debbi Molnar’s Course for Parenting Adult Children
I am thrilled to share that Debbi Molnar, a gifted therapist and life coach, is leading a new course specifically designed for parents of adult children. This four-session course, Opening Doors: How to Talk to Your Adult Children about Things That Matter Most (learn more and register here), is a wonderful opportunity to learn and practice the skills needed to nurture these evolving adult relationships.
Through thoughtful discussions and practical exercises, Debbi helps parents explore how to communicate more effectively, set healthy boundaries, and celebrate the joys of this new chapter. If you’ve ever struggled to figure out your place in your adult child’s (or grandchild’s) life—or if you simply want to deepen your connection—this course is for you. Debbi’s wisdom will guide us to embrace this sacred work with confidence and compassion.
The Joys of Transformation
As challenging as it can be to adapt to this new phase of parenting adult children, it is also deeply joyful. When we approach our adult children with curiosity instead of control, respect instead of judgment, we open the door to relationships filled with mutual love and understanding.
For me, this journey has been transformative. My adult children are no longer just “my kids.” They are vibrant, independent individuals with their own wisdom and experiences to share. I have learned as much from them as they have from me, and our relationships have become a source of profound joy and gratitude.
Parenting adult children is not about relinquishing our role; it’s about redefining it. It’s about stepping into the sacred work of growth and transformation—both theirs and ours. Let’s embark on this journey together, learning from the Torah’s wisdom, Freedman’s insights, and Debbi Molnar’s guidance.
May we create families of blessing for generations to come.
By Rabbi Lana Zilberman Soloway
I used to think that the most important line in the Hebrew Bible was Love your neighbor as yourself. Then I realized that it is easy to love your neighbor because he or she is usually quite like yourself. What is hard is to love the stranger, one whose color, culture or creed is different from yours. That is why the command Love the stranger because you were once strangers, resonates so often through the Hebrew Bible. It is summoning us now. – Rabbi Jonathan Sacks
On Veterans Day weekend, Andrew Fromer, myself, and five of Or Ami’s wonderful and courageous teens joined other synagogues’ groups from around LA and traveled together to Georgia and Alabama, to learn about the Civil Rights movement and its everlasting effect on the American past, present and future. This trip was operated by Tzedek America (https://tzedekamerica.org/), led by Rabbi Adrianne Pasternak, the organization’s Associate Director and our own Or Ami partner, together with Ziggy Valdez and Pastor Rondell Eskridge.
This journey was not just a trip, but a powerful exploration of history, resilience, and the strength of the human spirit.
We started in Birmingham, Alabama, on Friday night, celebrating Shabbat in Temple Emanu-El, a Reform synagogue in the city’s downtown (Did you know there are 10,000 Jews living in Birmingham out of 18,000 in all Alabama?).
On Saturday morning, we began our day at the Historic Bethel Baptist Church in downtown Birmingham. Built in 1926, this church became the epicenter of a non-violent protest movement that swept across the United States and around the world. We met with Reverend Wilder, who taught us about the leadership of Reverend Fred L. Shuttlesworth, and explained how and why Bethel became the official launching pad of the Modern Civil Rights Movement.
Next, we drew inspiration from Pastor Gwen Webb, who at the age of 13, was a prominent leader in the Children’s Crusade and as an adult became Birmingham’s second Black female police officer. She shared powerful memories of her non-violence training, leading students in the march, enduring fire hoses and police dogs, and spending seven days and nights in jail, all for the right to live with the same freedoms as her white neighbors.
After visiting the powerful and very memorable Kelly Ingram Park, Pastor Rondell guided us through the Birmingham Civil Rights Institute, and the famous 16th Street Baptist Church, offering valuable insights and deepening our understanding of the history and diverse narratives before, during, and after the Civil Rights movement.
Sunday morning in Montgomery began with a boat ride along the Alabama River, where tens of thousands of enslaved people were once trafficked, providing us a sobering perspective on the slave trade. It was very difficult to reconcile the beauty of nature along the river with the horrific understanding that ten million black people were kidnapped from Africa and brought to America by force, in order to be sold as slaves.
After the boat ride, we visited the important sites of the Equal Justice Initiative, created by attorney and social justice activist, Bryan Stevenson.
At the Freedom Monument Sculpture Park, we stepped inside a train car like those used to transport enslaved people, stood within a house once inhabited by enslaved people, and were brought to tears by sculptures crafted from bricks made by enslaved artisans.
At the National Monument to Freedom, a wall of engraved names honoring four million formerly enslaved people who were emancipated, we also learned the tragic fact that six million lost their lives in slavery. This is an astonishing number, unfortunately familiar to us Jews through our own tragedy.
The Legacy Museum presented the history of racial injustice in a way that was both accessible and thought-provoking, sparking reflection among our young people.
At the Memorial for Peace and Justice, we were deeply moved by the hanging monuments, each representing a county where racial terror lynchings occurred. This experience led to meaningful discussions about empathy, justice, and the role our students can play in creating a more compassionate future.
We recited Kaddish together, remembering and respecting all the lost lives we learned about. We reminded ourselves about the most important commandment in our tradition, loving the stranger, a command that repeats 36 times in the Torah, teaching us again and again about the most important value of humanity, B’tzelem Elohim, that every single human being is created in the image of God, and that is how each human should be treated.
On Sunday afternoon, we explored the city of Selma with Terry Chestnut, son of the first black Civil Rights attorney J.L. Chestnut, who was also Martin Luther King’s personal attorney. Terry introduced us to Reverend Benny Tucker, who served as MLK’s local bodyguard. Reverend Tucker welcomed us into his home and shared memories of his time with Dr. King.
Walking across the Edmund Pettus Bridge was a powerful and emotional experience. We sang Mi Chamocha and We Shall Overcome and we prayed with our feet, remembering the famous words of Rabbi Abraham Joshua Heschel, uttered at the time he walked over this same bridge, side by side with MLK, during the famous March 1965 march from Selma to Montgomry, fighting for voting rights.
On our last day, as we approached the final leg of our journey, we made a stop in LaGrange, Georgia, at the Warren Temple Methodist Church, the site of a memorial to Austin Callaway, a young man who was lynched in 1940.
We learned the importance of bearing witness, saying people’s names out loud, and also about the power of forgiveness.
Our journey concluded in Atlanta, with visits to Historic Ebenezer Baptist Church, Dr. Martin Luther King Jr.’s birth home and his final resting place.
It was truly a life changing journey. A time of learning, reflection, inspiration, and understanding the power of dreams, resilience and true friendship.
One of the last people we met in Georgia asked me: What do you think, if MLK would be alive today, would he be proud of everything that we’ve accomplished?
I smiled at her and said: Yes, absolutely, he would have been proud, and at the same time, he would have continued to fight for everything else that we still need to accomplish.
During our closing circle, I reminded our young people that this same weekend was the 86th anniversary of the Kristallnacht, and the 35th anniversary of the fall of the Berlin Wall, events that no one believed would ever happen. But they did happen. I also reminded them that it was over 400 days post October 7th, and 101 Hostages are still held by the Hamas in Gaza, and also about the Mob of hundreds of Israelis and Jews in Amsterdam which by chance alone did not turn into a lynch.
So, yes, we have to appreciate everything that we as a civilization have accomplished, and at the same time, understand that there is no time to rest yet, because there is still so much to do and so much to fight for, until we can be truly proud.
May we continue to walk the talk, never give up, and always believe that each of us can make a difference, one person and one day at a time, we will continue to practice tikkun olam, repair the world and make it better.
No everything that is faced can be changed, but nothing can be changed until it is faces” – James Baldwin
|
|
|
by Rabbi Lana Zilberman Soloway
|
|
|
|
|
by Rabbi Lana Zilberman Soloway
There’s nothing you can do that can’t be done.
Nothing you can sing that can’t be sung.
Nothing you can say but you can learn how to play the game.
It’s easy.
Nothing you can make that can’t be made.
No one you can save that can’t be saved.
Nothing you can do, but you can learn how to be you in time.
It’s easy.
All you need is love.
All you need is love.
All you need is love, love.
Love is all you need.
(By: John Lennon, 1967)
Next week, we will celebrate Tu B’Av, the 15th Day of Av, a celebration of joy and love. Tu B’Av is not a Biblical festival, and as such, it was barely noticed in the Jewish calendar for many centuries. In recent decades, however, it has been rejuvenated, especially in the modern state of Israel. In its modern incarnation, it has become a Jewish Festival of Love, resembling America’s Valentine’s Day (although its origins are much more ancient and profound).
Tu B’Av served as a matchmaking day for unmarried women in the Second Temple period. It is written in the Mishnah (2nd century) that there are no better days for the people of Israel than the Fifteenth of Av and Yom Kippur (representing the beginning and the end of the grape harvest time). On those days, the daughters of Jerusalem went out, dressed in white, to dance in the vineyards, while young men would come to choose their wives.
The Talmud (5th century) adds a few other explanations to the meaning of this festival:
Tu B’Av marked the time when our Jewish ancestors, a generation after entering the Land of Israel, were permitted to intermarry among tribes, including with the tribe of Benjamin, which was previously banned from all others. This act signified reconciliation and unity among the people of Israel.
Tu B’Av also marked the end of the divine punishment of wandering in the wilderness for forty years, resulting from the sin of the spies. On Tu B’Av of the last year, those who were still alive realized that they would ultimately reach the promised land of Israel.
After the gravity, sadness, loss, and mourning of Tisha B’av, commemorated earlier this week, Tu B’Av represents joy, happiness, love, and hope.
In the modern state of Israel, Tu B’Av is observed as a day of love and romance by Jews of all backgrounds and denominations. It has also become one of the most popular dates for getting married for those who dream about an outdoor summer wedding on a full moon night.
Next Tuesday, we will celebrate Tu B’Av at Congregation Or Ami.
In order to make it special, we have invited two special couples to share their love with us, one through story and one through music. The celebration will not be complete without YOU!
Join us for a unique evening of Love and Celebration on a beautiful full-moon summer night. Let us fill our hearts with joy, love and hope, do we need more than that?
Each month, the Mosaic Committee shares our thoughts about what we can learn from that month’s theme. For the month of August, we are focusing on National Wellness Month to promote evidence-based self-care and stress management despite the crazy times we live in.
What can you do to improve your self-care? It’s all about creating goals for yourself, and then being intentional with how you will go about achieving these goals. Then we can create habits that support our intentions. Your goals don’t have to be massive, and they are most achievable if you start small and build from there. Whether you challenge yourself to a new yoga pose or trying a different spa treatment, making small changes can impact your health in positive ways.
There are numerous ways to make those small changes, too. Some ideas:
These small steps can lead to many more healthy habits in your lifestyle! Sometimes we think that small improvements won’t make a difference and that we need to dedicate large amounts of time to exercise or completely change our diet all at once. But such big changes may not be realistic, and some change is always better than none! So start small, meet yourself where you are, and remember that progress is the goal, not perfection!
We can look to a recent article in Reform Judaism to guide us, as well. (https://reformjudaism.org/self-care-not-selfish-7-jewish-reminders-caring-yourself)
Remember, do something, anything, to care for yourself each and every day!